People are strange

I am now two weeks into this online dating experience, and there is one thing that I am now certain of...

People are strange.

I have broken down the defenses and gone on a date with a very, very weird man (see my last post for more on that wackadoo), but hey, I went on a date!  It has been a good, long while since I have been on a date... we're talking the beginning of my relationship with my ex, which was also a good, long while ago!... so just going on a date was a huge step for me.

I have been chatting/texting with a man from another city almost every day and he seems very nice!  We are making plans to try to meet in person, which still scares me a lot.

I mentioned to him that I am feeling this fear and he asked me to elaborate.  When I told him that I was afraid that my size would be an issue he said, "Size is NOT an issue with me."  Which made me relieved.

But I'm still scared. Because he hasn't actually seen me yet. What if my size is a size or two bigger than the size that is not a problem for him?  What if the size that is the not-a-problem size for him is waaaaay smaller than my size? What if... oh, hell, I could what if all day.

But I like him so far.  He doesn't seem as weird as the last guy.  So far.

And I am excited to meet him in person, even though I am so, so scared.

But I have promised myself that I will really try to experience this experience of online dating: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

But people are strange.

I have had messages from several men that are just plain off-putting!

One guy wrote, "Do you enjoy submissive men, beautiful queen?"

No, "Hi!"  No, "I looked at your profile and I thought we might get along..."  Nothing.  Just, "Do you enjoy submissive men..."

I wanted to reply with, "No.  No I don't," but I didn't.  I just let him wonder.

I got a message from a woman stating, "I'm looking for fun."

Now, my profile clearly  states that I am looking for "men who like women" but this chick thought I might venture out, I guess. However, she didn't introduce herself, didn't say hi, just ... "looking for fun."  So... no response from me.

My favorite so far is perhaps the man from California who said, "Hello beautiful, voluptuous Katy, I want to know if you have very nice feet. :)"

Yeah.

I feel that my first clue that he was a bit odd was his screen name, which includes the phrase "footpamperer."

I wonder, though, what he expected to accomplish, what with him living in California and all.  But, hey, I guess a foot fetish knows no limits.

I am also getting a lot of men in their mid to late 20's reaching out to me!  I can't decide whether they are just really into older women, or if they think the fat chick might be an easy lay.

I haven't responded to any of them, mostly because I really don't want to feel that kind of insecurity with a new guy.  It's difficult enough to work up my courage to respond to these people, let alone meet any of them, without throwing a 15 year age gap into the mix with me as the older one. That's just a little too much "experience" in this experience for me.

But it is flattering to think that they might just like older women.

I am choosing not to surmise that they think I'm an easy target because I'm fat. Which, for me, is a very large step in the right direction.

So, for now, I shall continue to talk to the guy from another city and hope that he is for real.

And I will answer any men who leave me a message that consists of more than, "hey," or "sup."  I will, however, continue to ignore the ones that are creepy. I'm not willing to go down that road in any fashion.

And I have noticed a new confidence in my step lately.

I feel more like my old self than I have in years.  I am beginning to feel like the me that I was before I met my ex, before my confidence was ripped away by illness, before I got lost.

I have found myself flirting again.

When I got lost I stopped flirting, stopped acting like I could be a sexual or desired thing.  I just stopped.

Last week I found myself flirting again.  With a stranger.  And it felt great!

I've been flirting with the man from another city, but that fits in the it-might-not-be-real-because-we-have-never-met category so it doesn't really count.  This was actual flirting with a real, live man who was standing next to me!

So things are going well, all-in-all.

There has been some good (out-of-town guy), some bad (wackadoo guy), and some ugly (foot fetish guy).  But I am experiencing this experience!

And so far I am having a very good time.

But people are strange.