Nice

So it turns out that there are still nice men out there in the world.

He reached out to me a few weeks ago, chatting about our mutual commuter woes.  He is one of the only men who didn't immediately jump to discussions of sex or lewdness, instead making me giggle about our shared interests.

When I sent him my standard just-to-let-you-know-I'm-fat-so-you-don't-freak-out-later text, he is the only man, so far, to respond with, "Why do you think I reached out to you?" I almost died.

We started chatting and agreed to meet for dinner at a local restaurant, at which we ended up laughing and talking for hours.  It turns out, he is a complete gentleman.

We have gone on several dates since, chatting and laughing all the while.  He is incredibly nice and he treats me really well.  I'm not at all used to this.  This is a whole new world for me.

First of all, he refuses to let me pay for dinner.  He has taken me to some very nice places and he won't let me pay!  Even when it had been decided prior to the date that I would be buying him dinner, he grabbed the check and wouldn't hear of it!  What world is this?

He doesn't laugh at me when I go all Fan-Girl about a book or show, even going so far as to encourage it.  And I am a super geeky Fan-Girl.  My ex, while a Fan-Boy himself, thought it was a tad ridiculous for a chick to be such a fan.

This man didn't look askance at me when I explained that, while playing fantasy RPGs, I like to play as a thief, sneaking around and shooting foes from afar with my bow and arrow.  He thought that that was a perfectly logical choice and didn't try to convince me otherwise.  Most men think it odd that I like to play fantasy RPGs to begin with.

He doesn't think it strange that I like Marvel movies and shows, or that I can hold deep, philosophical discussions about Star Wars.  He just goes with it.

He teases me in the best ways and makes me feel like a girl.

He loves my body!  He prefers larger women and he thinks I'm sexy.  He tells me that I'm "super cute."  He says, "You are so hot!"  And he means it!  Baffling. 

He sees me!  He sees me and he likes me anyway.

But the best thing about this man, so far, is that he took me on the perfect date.

He picked me up in the late morning and we headed out to a place about 20 minutes from my house.  He chose this place, he said, because on our second date he mentioned something called a gastro pub and I had never been to one.  It was a lovely spot that used to be a train station so the architecture and ambiance were really cool.  We talked and laughed with ease through the meal.  As we exited the pub I pulled him close and briefly kissed him, a chaste moment to thank him for the meal.  He smiled at me like I was the most amazing thing. I was really taken aback by his look, I don't think any man has ever looked at me like that before.

He took my hand and we started walking around the neighborhood a bit.  As we came to a corner he said, "So, I really brought you here because I wanted you to see something.  I want you opinion of it."

"OK," I said, totally curious.

We turned the corner and I came face to face with an honest-to-God, old-fashioned, beatnik-employees, hand-written-signage, get-lost-among-the-stacks bookstore! He brought me to a bookstore!!

I may have teared up a bit.

We went inside and began to explore.  I was in awe, exclaiming about the smell of the books and the haphazard arrangements.  I kept looking at him and saying, "You brought me to a bookstore!"  It was amazing.

You have to understand, this man doesn't read for pleasure.  We had talked about books for maybe two minutes on our first date and he could feel my passion for them, so he brought me to this wonderful place filled with books!

We wandered through the stacks, laughing about some of the titles we came across.  I was giddy with delight.  He stole kisses in the corners, hiding from the other shoppers like we were teenagers. It was unbelievable.  And the way he looks at me!  It's like he's never seen anything quite like me - half desire and half confusion or awe.  I really like the way he looks at me.

I have never been on a date like this, where I was the consideration, I was the focus.  He went out of his way to give me something he knew I would love.  What world is this?

We spent the whole day together, talking, laughing, kissing, and it was amazing.  This man, this man, took me on a perfect date.

We have seen each other a few times since that day, and will hopefully keep seeing each other.  He really is so nice.

I called my best friend to tell her all about the date, about him, and how weird it is for a man to treat me like this.  I was complaining that he wouldn't let me pay for dinner, even when it was the plan, and she just laughed.

She said, "Katy, it's about time that a man was nice to you.  Now, you just have to calm the hell down and let him be nice to you!"

"But..."

"No... no, no... you have to let him.  I know it's weird, but just let him.  This is how real men behave."

His world is ... complicated ... but I like him.  I really like him.  I like how he treats me. I like that he's so nice to me.  I like that he's gallant and won't let me pay for dinner (even though it was the plan!).  But I'm not at all used to this kind of treatment.

I am especially not used to a man who looks at me and sees.  He notices things, he remembers moments.  He sees me and he likes me anyway.  

And he brings me to bookstores.

I know that I haven't been doing this online dating thing for very long, and I know that I have met some ... interesting men (some serious doozies, I'll tell ya), but this man is different.  He's kind, and intelligent, and thoughtful. He's funny and interesting. I find him fascinating.

And he seems to like me and he has no problem showing it, which is also new territory for me. He holds my hand, he kisses me, he touches my face.  Seriously, what world is this?

I like this man.

I love spending time with him.  I hope to have many, many more dates with him (and I will find a way to buy him dinner if it kills me!).

I don't want to rush into anything, I don't want to overwhelm either of us, so slow and steady it is.

I had no idea that there were men like this outside of fiction, at least men like this who also like me.  But this man, this man, exists.  And he is kind.

And so I will do my best to allow him to treat me well and I will go out of my way to treat him well in return. Of course the old insecurities resurface, the feeling that I don't actually deserve to be treated well or with respect due to my size or my past, but I'm trying to stomp them down as best I can.  My best friend keeps pointing out that I believe that everyone deserves to be loved (which is true). Then she has to remind me that I am also an everyone. 

I try to imagine that I deserve to be loved, that I too deserve happiness.  Most of the time I just accept that I've done something, or been something than negated that option.  This man makes me think that there my in fact still be hope for me.

He looks at me and sees.

And he likes me anyway.